My First Love – Part 1 of 4

As it seems most Christian girls are I was waiting on God to bring me my husband, my perfect man. (Of course he wouldn’t be perfect, but just about perfect, at least for me.) A few prospective guys came in and out of my life through high school and college and as they came, I considered them and contemplated if this was the one that I was waiting for. It was usually the same story: I liked the guy, spent time analyzing whether or not he could be the one, had lots of phone conversations with him, and usually went on a few dates. At some point in the relationship (sometimes within a few weeks, sometimes within a few months) I would realize that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then ended the relationship. This cycle was dissatisfying, and disappointing.

Finally, in September of 2005, God revealed the error of my practice of waiting on Him to bring me my husband.

“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”

Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective.

Picture this: You are at a restaurant and have just ordered a pizza. A friend walks in and sits down with you and asks, “What are you doing?” And you respond with, “I am waiting on the waiter to bring me my pizza.” (Does this sentence structure sound familiar?) In this example, you do not have much regard for the waiter. The waiter is only the vehicle by which you get what you are truly there for: your pizza. You are not expecting the waiter to come and sit down and talk with you, but to simply deliver the pizza.

“I am waiting on God to bring me my husband.”

What are you more excited about: Jesus or your future husband? God was never designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. He was never intended to be our waiter, but to BE OUR EVERYTHING! I had replaced the passionate pursuit of knowing Him with the pursuit of an allegedly more passionate relationship on earth. I had put another “god” before the Lord; I had created an idol.

In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, “And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, “That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ And no longer call Me ‘My Master.’” One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God. We have been taught how to obey and please God (how to call Him ’Master’), but we do not know how to grow in our love for Him and fall deeper in love with the character of our Creator (how to call Him ’Husband’).

Consider this analogy:
David and Jessica have been dating for a few months now and most of their friends comment about how cute a couple they are. They are frequently seen at the local coffee shop or out to eat together on a Friday night. Their favorite spot to frequent is the beach near by at sunset. Here they spend their time walking along the shore, holding hands, and enjoying the sunset in silence. The problem is that Jessica spends this time on the beach thinking about John, a guy in one of her classes. She reminisces about what he said to her that day, the way he looked, and how sweet he was to stay late and help his friend with homework. She’s already thinking about what she’s going to wear tomorrow so that she can look extra special when she sees him. This is not fair to David at all; it is emotional infidelity and emotional lust. It may look like she loves David because she does all the right things to appear in love with him, but her heart is set on someone else. This is exactly what many of us have done in our relationship with God! We know how to appear passionate about God: we talk about Him to others, we read His Word, we attend Bible studies and keep trying harder to learn more about Him, but our hearts are set on something else.

We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to “love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength” (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY! What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love! Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made.


Discussion Questions


My First Love – Part 2 of 4

27 Comments

  1. […] We are to grow to glorify God. There is an excellent article also written by Kelly Needham, “My First Love: Repenting of Marriage Worship,” that targets what I am talking about. She compares the phrase “I am waiting for God to bring […]

  2. […] para disfarçar uma esperança equivocada. Em um dos meus primeiros posts (My First Love – original aqui) eu disse uma frase comumente dita pelas garotas no meio cristão: “Eu estou esperando em Deus […]

  3. […] reposted from Kelly Needham […]

  4. Thank you for this amazing post! What a refreshing perspective on how we are to love God. I am so guilty of placing my desire for a husband over my desire for God. Thank you for this reminder!

  5. Hi Kelly!

    Thank you so much for writing this blog! This series, “My First Love,” has been so helpful and convicting to me these past two years. I didn’t realize that I have been waiting on God instead of putting Him first before everything else in my life! Especially since many of my friends have boyfriends and are even engaged, I’ve been thinking about who my future husband might be and what he would be like. I’ve been praying and working on giving that completely and entirely up to God and trusting in Him. Throughout high school, and ever since I started college, God has constantly been reminding me of Proverbs 3:5-6! I can’t wait to read more of your blog posts! 🙂

    Also, it was lovely meeting you at Jimmy’s concert in San Jose! Hope to see you again if he tours in the West Coast again! 😀

    -Kaitlyn J.

  6. Anonymous

    So amazing. Thank you so much for everything that you wrote, you wrote it out perfectly!!

  7. […] is it? My desire. I have been struggling with letting go since I read ‘My First Love‘ by Kelly Needham. I remember telling my great-grandmother (who I called Nanna-Nanna) when I […]

  8. sue

    My post comes in a little late,but I think most of the young people here are beating themselves up for the wrong reasons. God’s Grace is not about how much we “love him”, it is about how much he loves us. Scripture says he delights in showing us his unfailing love. The only way to truly ,passionately love him, is if we let him love us in our flawed and imperfect state. He is not looking at our sins or “idolatry” for worldly love. Romantic love is a beautiful gift from God,meant to be enjoyed. The Scripture says if the roots are holy the tree will be holy,meaning because Jesus Christ is holy we as his body are holy. Stop being hard on yourselves and rest. The burden he has put on you is easy. He is no longer looking at your shortcomings ie. Not reading the Bible enough and such legalistic things. He REALLY loves u as u are.

  9. […] extraído do blog pessoal: https://kellyneedham.wordpress.com/2010/05/01/74/ […]

  10. Alli Hicks

    Kelly,
    Thank you for this blog. I often feel like i do put my boyfriend before God, not because i feel he is greater, i just forget how I am supposed to love God so passionately because he is the reason I even have this amazing boyfriend. We plan to marry within the next year or so and I know its all in God’s timing. That has been made very clear to me in our relationship. I just wanted to say thank you for being a true woman of God. And “kelly’s song” we have decided will be our first dance song at our wedding.

  11. Thanks for posting this, Kelly. It was a much-needed encouragement and challenge. I hope you don’t mind – I linked to your blog from mine (http://blessedtobesingle.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-are-you-more-excited-about-jesus.html).
    I just thought others would like to read these posts as well!

  12. […] It was on Kelly Needham’s blog (the wife of singer Jimmy Needham). You can read the blog here. I realized God isn’t my first love. I don’t know if He ever has been. Sad to say, but […]

  13. Daisy

    This is Beautiful ❤ You have a charming little story and i'm glad you shared it with me today xxx 🙂

  14. Kalah

    A friend suggested this blog and post to me. Today I was finally led to read it and was so very blessed. God used your experience to speak life into me and remind me that He is my Father and true love. God has really shown me this year to live in His grace and freedom. I have too long lived in a performance based way, waiting for love for God to follow. I am continuing in the process of falling in love with God and placing Him above all else, even the desire for a husband. The most impacting part of the four posts was Hosea 2:16. I have already found my true love and husband! After reading this, I happened to listen to the song “Acres of Hope” by Shane&Shane. The song is based on this passage!

    “Here in the valley
    Walk close beside me
    Don’t look back
    For love is growing vineyards up ahead
    You have called me master
    And though you’re in the dark here
    Call me friend
    And call me lover and marry me for good”

    Thank you for encouraging myself and others through sharing your story. God is using you and your reliance on Him to fulfill His purpose 🙂

  15. Ali

    Mrs.Needham,Thank you so much for writing this.I’m only 15 and struggle with the thought that I need a boyfriend.Instead of laying it in Gods hands I ask Him why He hasn’t given me the change to have a boyfriendand, I’ve never taken it to consideration that I need to put my 100% in God other than “waiting for the right one” when God has allways loved me,allways will,and He is my First Love and Forever Love.

    God bless,
    Ali N.

  16. Gelsys

    This post is simply AMAZING.

  17. Anonymous

    Wow ok so I just decided to stop thinking about guys so much, and stop dreaming about my husband, and wait for God to bring him to me. I found myself asking Him, is this the one for me? And I was wondering why I don’t feel like opening the Bible to learn more about God! Wow. That’s all I can say. I am 15 and I LOVE your husband’s music, and I hope I can keep up with your blog, too!

  18. Melina

    Kelly,
    Hello, Like the other ladies have already stated above in different ways, thank you. I really, really needed to read and realize this. You have definitely described me and where I am at in my life these days. Wow, I am so encouraged and at the same time challenged. I always say and it is definitely true, that God is My Everything. But honestly there are many times I dont give Him my everything… I feel and I am so ashamed of that. There is a letter where its like God is writing to us, his daughters. In that letter He states that He knows everything about us and he created us to be and desire all that we are and yeah, desire. He knows that we desire our husbands that He has for us and at His timing our days to know them will come to pass. He then states that He wants to ENOUGH first and foremost. Let Him be Enough, because only He can fill and be everything we need and desire. So very true, and again many times I forget and look other places. Until now… I pray. Its a New Season…
    At this very moment, I desire and pray to change that… I am challenged and inspired to do and better with my life and that He comes first & etc., You helped with the truths that were spoken in your blog, thank you.
    Everyone Be Blessed and Have a Wonderful Day!

  19. Allie

    Dear Kelly,

    As we speak, I’m fasting for me to strenghten my relationship with God. He made me feel I had a sin I had not repented from that was holding back his blessing over my life. I thought of all the possible wrongdoings I’ve done, and gave them all to Him, but I knew something was still there. I weeped and weeped trying to think of any other sin I could confess and be free and found none. I googled “jimmy needham” to worship with his songs, and out of curiosity clicked on his webpage, where I found this page. I have no business here, as I was supposed to be praying, but this blog caught my attention, and when I read it, Kelly, I broke down. Because you described me. I know God has the right man for me, but I don’t trust Him, so I flirt and daydream about guys that seem right for me. I spend more time in the mirror to look pretty than reading His Word. It’s an idol. But that will change as of now. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and just wanna let you know that God used you tremendously over my life today. May he keep blessing you and using you!!

  20. Dina Abrego

    Kelly Needham,
    I just wanted to say on behalf of all the people that read what you write but haven’t let you know, you are a blessing! If you ever wonder if you’re making a difference, let me tell you.. You are! Thanks for being a blessing & thanks for letting God use you.

    Much love,
    Dina

  21. konyin

    Amen to lauren’s comment. This blog truly challenged me to look at the way and how much I really love God. It’s like a woman in a 20-year marriage with 3 kids who loves her husband dutifully and gives him what he needs. However, when she sees her high school crush, she melts and something is different. I’ve been loving God kind of dutifully when really looking for a man to love me. May God forgive me for this idolatry and God bless you truly for this blog.

  22. Lauren

    Love this post! I’ve been learning lately what Psalm 37:4 (Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart) means. For a long time I looked at that and saw, if I love God, He’ll give me the perfect guy, the perfect friends, perfect life. But as I really began to test it out, and fall deeper in love with my God, I learned that when I truly delight in Him, my every desire is fulfilled…because He is my every desire.

  23. Kelly, you don’t even know how much I appreciate this Blog. I found the link to this on Jimmy’s Facebook page. I, like many girls my age, struggle with exactly this. I never understand why all my friends have boyfriends and go out on dates while I sit at home alone on Friday nights. The thing I longed for more than anything was for God to send the right man to me. I knew he had already chosen who I would be with, I just wanted him to reveal this to me. It was not until I read this post to finally realize the reason why I still continue to ask. Im not devoting everything to God. Like you said, I’m devoting more of me to a passionate earthly relationship then to a passionate relationship to God. I was ashamed! I know now that instead of saying “God send me a Man.” I will say “Lord, you are good and wonderful and I place all my trust in you. Watever man you send my way, I will rejoice with.” Thanks for making me rethink.
    P.S. You guys did wonderful at Wired Weekend. Hope to see you again soon. May your family be blessed.

    1. Great post Kelly! Loving God should be our First Love.

      I feel that so many people don’t know what true love really is, and they can live in confusion because God’s definition of love is so different from our society’s definition of love.

      The best part is that God teaches us how to love, even when we don’t know how. 🙂

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