This process of forsaking my idols of marriage and returning to my first love and learning to call God ’Husband’ instead of ’Master’ has powerfully changed my life. I am a more passionate follower of Jesus who is not burdened by the commands of the Bible, but ecstatic about them, and I have a healthier view of marriage and relationships.
The Lord changed me tremendously after I returned to Him in September 2005. The months following the surrender of my “love life” were some of the most freeing, exhilarating, and joyful times in my life! I fell more in love with Jesus than I ever have before and my relationship with Him deepened in new ways that I didn’t know were possible. Instead of always looking for my future husband, I began looking for God and waiting for Him to reveal more of Himself each day. I never really thought about whom I was going to marry again. I knew that God would show me what to do in every situation.
Jimmy asked me to start dating him in November, about 2 months later. I know many people don’t believe me, but during those months, I was so in love with Jesus, I really never had a conscious romantic thought about Jimmy. I was so focused on and in love with Jesus that I wasn’t aware of any other feelings that might be happening inside me. Needless to say, Jimmy’s proposal to start dating caught me way off guard. It had been a while since I had even thought about a guy in that way that the only thing I could do as Jimmy was talking was to ask, “Lord, is this from you? Please let me know if this is from you.” And following that prayer was the most tremendous feeling of peace and reassurance that I have experienced only from God. It’s as if God said audibly to me, “I want you to do life with this man.”
So in November of 2005, we started dating. Less than 10 months later we were married. Our marriage is such a tremendous and wonderful gift from God! But it has also been a means of hard sanctification in my life. Above all, it has been something God has used to bring me closer to Himself. As Christians, our marriages should be about the glory of God, not about each other. When we start to look to marriage by itself to bring fulfillment, we easily become codependent on our spouse instead of dependent on God alone. Let us, married and single, daily turn our needy hearts to God alone who can supply the joy, love, and satisfaction we so desperately long for.
I love that our God is a jealous God. He longs so much for our affections that He won’t give us anything that will threaten His place in our hearts. The more we desire a guy, the more reason it gives Him not to give it to us, because we are tempted to be more satisfied with the guy than with Him.
If you are discouraged today because God has not brought “the one” yet, may I challenge you to stop waiting on the Lord to bring you a guy and realize that you are already a bride! You are the Bride of Christ! The title “bride” implies there is a wedding to come. Without the wedding, there would be no bride. Don’t let your heart be distracted by from Jesus, your groom. It is easy to let lesser lovers take His place, so be ready to always cast them away and pursue Jesus. We have an incredible wedding feast to look forward to: the day we are united with Christ. He is our first love and he is waiting to hear from you day in and day out. His thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand and He has numbered all the hairs on your head! The Lord will be faithful to give you the great love story that you desire, just know that it won’t be found in a man, but in Jesus! Trust in the promises of God, for He who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).