My First Love – Part 4 of 4

This process of forsaking my idols of marriage and returning to my first love and learning to call God ’Husband’ instead of ’Master’ has powerfully changed my life. I am a more passionate follower of Jesus who is not burdened by the commands of the Bible, but ecstatic about them, and I have a healthier view of marriage and relationships.

The Lord changed me tremendously after I returned to Him in September 2005. The months following the surrender of my “love life” were some of the most freeing, exhilarating, and joyful times in my life! I fell more in love with Jesus than I ever have before and my relationship with Him deepened in new ways that I didn’t know were possible. Instead of always looking for my future husband, I began looking for God and waiting for Him to reveal more of Himself each day. I never really thought about whom I was going to marry again. I knew that God would show me what to do in every situation.

Jimmy asked me to start dating him in November, about 2 months later. I know many people don’t believe me, but during those months, I was so in love with Jesus, I really never had a conscious romantic thought about Jimmy. I was so focused on and in love with Jesus that I wasn’t aware of any other feelings that might be happening inside me. Needless to say, Jimmy’s proposal to start dating caught me way off guard. It had been a while since I had even thought about a guy in that way that the only thing I could do as Jimmy was talking was to ask, “Lord, is this from you? Please let me know if this is from you.” And following that prayer was the most tremendous feeling of peace and reassurance that I have experienced only from God. It’s as if God said audibly to me, “I want you to do life with this man.”

So in November of 2005, we started dating. Less than 10 months later we were married. Our marriage is such a tremendous and wonderful gift from God! But it has also been a means of hard sanctification in my life. Above all, it has been something God has used to bring me closer to Himself. As Christians, our marriages should be about the glory of God, not about each other. When we start to look to marriage by itself to bring fulfillment, we easily become codependent on our spouse instead of dependent on God alone. Let us, married and single, daily turn our needy hearts to God alone who can supply the joy, love, and satisfaction we so desperately long for.

I love that our God is a jealous God. He longs so much for our affections that He won’t give us anything that will threaten His place in our hearts. The more we desire a guy, the more reason it gives Him not to give it to us, because we are tempted to be more satisfied with the guy than with Him.

If you are discouraged today because God has not brought “the one” yet, may I challenge you to stop waiting on the Lord to bring you a guy and realize that you are already a bride! You are the Bride of Christ! The title “bride” implies there is a wedding to come. Without the wedding, there would be no bride. Don’t let your heart be distracted by from Jesus, your groom. It is easy to let lesser lovers take His place, so be ready to always cast them away and pursue Jesus. We have an incredible wedding feast to look forward to: the day we are united with Christ. He is our first love and he is waiting to hear from you day in and day out. His thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand and He has numbered all the hairs on your head! The Lord will be faithful to give you the great love story that you desire, just know that it won’t be found in a man, but in Jesus! Trust in the promises of God, for He who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).

Discussion Questions


  1. Nikki

    Great article! All 4! I loved it! As a single person who is discouraged thinking that marriage won’t ever come. Also thinking that’s really okay. To now thinking recently that I want to be more in love with Jesus above all else. I’m trying to figure out what that really means. This is so encouraging to me! Thanks you so much!

  2. Elizabeth

    WOW! Thank you so much! These past 24 hours have been life changing for me! I see now that God was preparing me for this moment, to completely surrender to him all of my other loves that I had put before Him. While I was reading your post I connected to your story so much! I guess you could say that I have a very romantic heart. I have put a lot of thought into what I want my future husband to be like and how we would meet and all of the stuff that goes along with that. I also watch a lot of tv, I will make any excuse I can to sit down and watch tv. This is no good because it was taking my attention and focus away from God. It was something I knew that I shouldn’t spend so much time doing but I just loved doing it that I couldn’t stop, I guess you could say it was like an addiction. I’ve known about God all my life. I was raised in a Christian home and accepted Christ into my life at a young age but I have never really truly loved God. Thank you so much for this post and sharing on HOW to get to a point where I can say that I don’t care and a point where I can truly say I love God. That is something I will be working on, a lot! Your post has been extremely helpful! Thank you so much! 🙂

  3. Hayley Roman

    All I am able to say is Thank You. I have never needed this kind of wake up call like I did today.
    Thank you!
    Bless you!

  4. Missy

    Thank you for your obedience to our Heavenly Father. I see His glory through the talents and circumstances He has given you. I needed this!

    Your sista in christ

  5. Encontrei seu blog através de um blog cristão brasileiro que divlugou um dos seus texto sobre o 1º Amor !
    Fiquei muito feliz >.<
    Amei é tudooo lindo
    E por concidência acompanho o trabalho do Jimmy ( belas canções)
    Que DEUS os abençoe….

  6. angie

    kelly, I don’t know if u even read these comments, but in case u do i want to thank u. I’m a 15 year-old who went to a David Crowder concert here in TX. 3 days ago. Your husband played before David Crowder and his music sparked my interest. I already knew of him and his music but i had never really looked into it until today, when i ran across this blog.

    I’m often complimented on the strength of my faith at my age and i have a small group at church full of middle-schoolers who look up to me, but recently I’ve felt so undeserving of any compliment at all. My relationship with my beloved has been suffering and i couldn’t figure out why. I still read his word and pray, yet its not passionate like it was.

    God used your post to speak to me today. A topic which i thought i had all figured out was put into a fresh prespective and i realized that i had made marriage an idol! Though I’ve kept myself from having a boyfriend and i tell all my friends at church about waiting for the right guy, i found that very thing was hindering my relationship w my current boyfriend, Jesus! I’d been thinking about all the things u mentioned in this blog to the point that i desired that more than Christ!!

    So i thank u and i thank my love for making me come across this blog so that he may show me what’s hindering our relationship. He used u to answer my question! It’s amazing how God uses his people!:)

    be blessed!

  7. Gilmara Riane


    Me chamo Gilmara, Moro no Brasil, no estado da Bahia.

    Encontrei o seu blog por meio do site do Jimmy.
    Lendo esse seu post sobre o “Primeiro Amor” estou feliz por saber que não sou só eu que passo por esses conflitos na mente e no coração (achava que era só eu que sofria disso… rsrs).
    Não vou negar que quando comecei a ler e até passar um pouquinho da metade do texto, pensei comigo mesma… que mulher mais louca… é impossível ter essa atitude! Simplesmente esquecer o sonho de um marido e de um casamento na Terra e contentar-se apenas com Jesus como Marido e com as Bodas do Cordeiro…. Ela fala isso porque já é casada!! kkk
    Mas, ao chegar ao final, o Espírito Santo foi ministrando ao meu coração que é possível e necessário ter essa atitude se eu quiser sofrer menos a espera e desfrutar do MELHOR de Deus!
    Sei que não vai ser fácil, mas estou disposta a seguir as suas “dicas” e entregar todos os meus sonhos e ansiedades aos pés de Jesus!!!

    Thank’s Kellly!!
    Jesus te abençoe mais e mais!!

  8. Sarah Cross

    Hey Kelly –
    A couple years ago the Lord revealed that marriage was an idol in my life. We’ve gone our rounds on this topic :0) I remember asking the Lord – will you ever bless me with something that was once an idol? Will I ever be certain in my heart that I love you more than the thing I once idoled?

    I heard one of Jimmy’s songs on Pandora and thought ” wow – this song is solid – very theologically sound”. I looked him up and found your blog.

    Your testimony was an encouragement to my heart. The Lord can bring it full circle for sure! I don’t know if he will do that in my life, but I feel like my answer was given from your life. It was a deep blessing to my heart. What’s even more beautiful – for the first time in my life – it’s me and God and I’m content in that. This is his fruit and growth for sure!

    so – thank you for sharing. Our God is big and intentional and so beautiful. I’m grateful. :0)

    A fellow sister,

  9. Camilla Bjorklund

    I know you have been told this a million times, but I just wanted to add my voice to the multitude and say thank you! Your writing is so pure and so true and humble, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! And I thank God for bringing me here. A few weeks ago I had no clue who you or your husband was, but through the Aquire the Fire conference I am blessed by your lives and passion for God. Last night, after discovering this site for the first time, I wrote up a list and dedicated everything to God. But I had a question. One of the things on my list was that he had to be a Christian, and I didn’t know how to offer that up because I’m pretty sure God wants me to marry a Christian. But I did the best I could 🙂 Thank you again!

  10. Nicole Powell


    God is using you in tremendous ways. He completely reached me through this blog. I completely surrendered my “list” and my singleness to the Lord. I spent a long, intimate prayer time with him releasing all of these things and more. I feel FREE! I feel free of bonds from past relationships, and I feel fully satisfied and content with the Lover of my soul, God. Thank you.

    P.S. It was two days before Valentine’s Day that I read it. It definitely helped me be content in that day for lovers because I have the best Lover of all.

  11. Kari

    Thanks a million! I have just recently been going through the stuggle to put God above all else and fall madly in love with Him instead of desiring to know who my future husband will be. You have helped more than you will ever know and I am so gald I came upon your blog. I know God had a hand in leading me to it and it could not have been more PREFECT timing:) Thanks again! God bless and keep you and your family +-

  12. Thank you for writing the “My First Love” series. It was encouraging, and I esp. liked the list of practical things one can do to fall in love with the person of God.

  13. Ana Munguba

    is amazing who i relate to many of the things you tell in your beautiful text. God is such a good god and thanks to that He lets us go back to His arms of love even when we let ourselves forget our first love.
    I wanna thank you for the ‘tips’ about how to fall in love with Jesus. I know its 100% personal and that there is no secret formula to get closer to God, (its actually more simple then we usually believe) but you sincerity reminded me how important it is to tell God how we feel and what we think! I know that i can talk to him ( :
    May Jesus fill our hearts with desire to know Him more every day!
    Love in Christ,

  14. This has changed my way of thinking and has encouraged me so much! Thank you for writing this.

  15. Kelly,

    I’ve just discovered your blog. My heart is so happy that I can be encouraged by you and your words and simply God flowing through the letters that you type.

    I’m at a point in my life where I’m finally realizing this. Your ‘season of surrender’…I think for me….is right around the corner. I’m realizing my deep love for Jesus, longing to spend time with him morning and night, and just truly want him to reveal himself to me.

    Thanks for you!

  16. Allissa Buseman

    I wish I could have read this when I was a teenager. It would have saved a lot of heartache…..

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