This is an excerpt from my journal in June 2006 while I was engaged to Jimmy.
I realized today that we are like the clouds…
I walked outside this evening only because I noticed the ground was pink. I stopped everything to go enjoy the source of this great color transformation. The beauty I beheld in the sky was so brilliant, I decided to lay on the concrete and watch the clouds change colors.
I hear God say, “Be still and know that I am God…”
Ok, I will.
I love, LOVE watching the clouds change colors. It’s the best part of a sunset. One, because it’s absolutely breathtaking to watch colors so vibrant change so gradually and yet so rapidly and becoming more and more vibrant every second. But also because if you don’t enjoy it right then… its gone. You HAVE to enjoy it right then or not at all. There is something so mysterious about only being able to enjoy it right then. It’s the same with flowers, people, almost anything. Nothing worth enjoying sits around and waits to be enjoyed. It always demands your attention then, because you have no other option except to never experience it at all.
I was also thinking about how the clouds are the most beautiful when you can’t see the sun. So it appears that they are just beautiful by themselves. But it is not that at all… because as soon as the sun’s rays leave those clouds, they are just the same, dull, lifeless gray clouds like the rest in the sky. It is the sun alone that makes them beautiful. And what’s so wonderful, is that I can stare at these clouds as long as I want without straining my eyes. But although I’d much rather be able to stare directly into the magnificent, glorious, perfect light of the sun and search it forever, my eyes cannot behold it, it is too bright for me. But the clouds… I can stare at the clouds forever with the light of the sun passing through them and permeating every particle, they transform from the dull, gray, lifeless clouds that they really are into beautiful, vibrant, alive, ever-changing masterpieces, reflecting the glory that is the sun to the rest of the world. And yet, during this magnificent transformation, the sun cannot even be seen.
There is such a magnificent contrast between these sunbeam-infused clouds and the rest of the clouds in the sky. One is full of life, wonder, beauty, and color and the other is gray, lifeless, and dull. Yet without the sun, these clouds are all the same… dead and lifeless.
We are the colorful clouds. We are the children of God.