“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts;
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting”
Fear. That is what I have in my heart that God wanted to deal with today. Fear of failure as a child of God, as a wife. Fear of the future and what life will be like with children and a traveling husband. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of what will happen if I really give up control.
I am realizing that my obsessive need to control things is because of fear. Fear drives me to action. I may be extremely tired and feel like I am unable to run, but as soon as a wasp comes flying up behind me, I run faster! (I hate wasps by the way.) Fear drives us to action faster and stronger than anything else. And my incessant need to control things is driven by the fears I am trying to protect myself from.
As soon as I began to think about the fears in my heart, I was reminded of a few verses about worry and anxiety: “Be anxious for nothing!” “Don’t worry about your life. Don’t worry about tomorrow.” (Phil 4:6-8, Matt 6:25-34) Worry, fear, anxiety… these are all a result of one thing: a lack of faith.
I repent of not trusting You and what Your Word says about You.
Let’s be honest. The real reason I struggle with these fears is because I don’t trust God. It is ultimately a result of unbiblical thinking and more focus on worldly things than on eternal things. Fear enters because I begin to doubt basic truths of scripture about God’s character and His power and I ignore basic commands (like be anxious for nothing). 1 Peter 3 calls me to be like the women of old who hoped in God and because of that great hope and trust I have in God I am not to fear anything! If I remember who my God is and how He loves me, it should cast out all doubt and fear. So why don’t I trust Him? Do I really think He is going to purposely do things to hurt me or scare me?
Romans 8:28-32 says that He works out everything for my good. Do I not believe that anymore? It continues saying “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also freely give us all things?” If God didn’t spare His most prized possession for me, why would He withhold other good things? It doesn’t make sense.
My call today is to have faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). Faith in God and simply believing the Word of God casts out my fear. Lord, forgive me for my lack of faith and my disbelieving heart. I know you are good and faithful and trustworthy. Grant me the grace to believe Your Word and rely on it when I’m tempted to walk in fear.