An Unexpected Struggle Against Pride

Well it’s been 4 months since my last blog post! And as I expected, God had a lot to teach me in this hiatus from writing and none of it has been what I expected. For those of you who have prayed for me and sent encouraging messages: Thank you!!


Just before this break from writing, I had been asking God to grant me humility. I am very aware of my struggle with pride and I feel that it is a stronghold in my life. Pride is very subtle and can take many different forms that we can’t see right away, so I felt very helpless in the battle against this sin and had been regularly asking for God to bring a new level of liberation from it. It was soon after I began praying for this that I began to sense I needed to take a break from writing.


As I mentioned in my last post, I also felt that this season would be full of temptation as well. And sure enough it was. There were numerous occasions where I was presented with a clear choice to walk in the Spirit or walk in the flesh. For example, there had been a miscommunication between Jimmy and I and it genuinely inconvenienced me. But I knew it was a complete accident and unintentional. He had been so sweet throughout our conversation about it and was headed home. I remember hanging up the phone and thinking, “I can respond in grace to my husband and be forgiving or respond in entitlement to what I feel like I deserve.” And without feeling like I could do any differently, I chose the way of entitlement.


This happened numerous times where I chose to be selfish, unforgiving, mean and focused on “what I deserve.”. And after each incident I felt totally bewildered at my actions! “How could I act this way? I know how to be a Christian! I’ve been walking with Jesus for years! This isn’t like me! What is wrong with me?!”


And boom. There it is… my pride surfaced. I had begun thinking way too highly of myself, assuming that when temptation comes that I know how to be a “good enough Christian” to get through it on my own. I had traded total dependence on God for self-sufficiency, which is just another form of pride.


In the midst of wrestling through all these things and processing them (which happened over a period of weeks), Jimmy was gracious to watch Lively for a few hours so I could have some dedicated time alone with God outside the house. While I was away, I decided to read almost the entire book of Romans and write down everything it had to say about me as a sinner in need of grace. It was unbelievably refreshing to read through these basic doctrines of the Christian faith: If I could gain my right standing with God through my own efforts, then faith is made void (Rom 4:14), righteousness is only found as a gift from God by faith (Rom 3:21-23), I am united with Christ in His death and am dead to sin and united with Him in His resurrection and have newness of life to walk in (Rom 6:4-7).


The more I read, the more aware I became of how incorrect my way of thinking had been. I had been looking to my own efforts, my own knowledge, my own “years of experience” as a Christian to help me in my fight against sin. Ironically, in thinking I am an experienced Christian, I forgot the very foundations of my own faith: that it is never through trying to keep the law that I find victory, but only through trusting in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus! We are not just saved by faith alone, we live by faith alone.


I have known that I tend to try and be good enough on my own throughout my day, but this was the first time I have associated that with pride. The reason I try to live life in my own efforts is that I think way too highly of myself. I need to have a sense of hopelessness in my own abilities apart from Christ which will naturally lead me to a greater level of dependence on Christ, which is the true key to success. Jesus Himself said in John 15, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.”


Unfortunately, I think my years growing up in church and struggling with very little outward sin have contributed to this deep root of pride in my life. You see the same struggle in the religious leaders in Jesus day, the Pharisees. Confident in their own ability to obey the law, they could never see their need for Jesus. While I know there is still much to do in the struggle against pride in my life, God has significantly uprooted this sin during these past few months. How grateful I am for an answer to my prayers!


There have been many other significant things going on during these months. My desire and passion for writing has been increasing and I feel like God is giving me more inspiration than ever. There have also been some very surprising topics that God has brought to my attention that I believe He wants me to write about and deal with on my blog. And I must admit I am slightly intimidated by it. But I trust His leading in this. To top it all off, I found out that I am pregnant in December! We will be having our second baby this coming August. What an eventful few months it has been.


Thank you again for your patience during my season off and I have many new blogs coming soon!

21 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Own *-* So cute. You are pregnant. A new brother or sister to Lively.

  2. Vicki Combs

    So so so blessed by your transparency!! You grow girl…..

  3. Anonymous

    I am going through a difficult season in my life right now: the loss of my sister a year ago, building a new home, and recently had my third child. I’ve noticed here lately that if the slightest thing doesn’t go my way I am a difficult person to be around. I recognize this after the fact, but in the moment it’s like I can’t stop myself?! I would like to blame it on stress, or hormones, or my situation but while reading your blog, I realize that it is my pride telling me that I DESERVE for things to go my way. Regardless of my situation, I am blessed simply because I have his grace, thank you Lord for it! Thanks so much for your Godly insight and wisdom.

  4. Diana K

    Hi Kelly
    I was really excited to get a notification on my email that you are writing again.im really happy for you about your baby coming soon and I look forward to the many new blogs

  5. Shauna

    Hello, Kelly,

    I have never read your blog before, but for some completely “random” (har har) reason, I decided to look Jimmy up on facebook today and Like his profile. His music has meant so much to me, and I wanted others to know it. And there you were. I have been intensely praying to God about some issues and I am convinced He pointed me to your blog today. I completely understand what you mean about being bewildered at your own choices when you KNOW better. But I did not see trying to do my best on my own as a pride issue. Sneaky pride. Thank you so much. I am subscribing to your blog, looking forward to hearing about more babies and the release of Jimmy’s album. I pray we all keep depending upon Christ every day.

  6. Very honest and encouraging, thank you kelly! God Richly Bless you with your Hearts desire!

  7. Anonymous

    Thanks Kelly for your honesty, I’ve been going through a very similar experience and find myself right back at the feet of Jesus, the only One who can help me and guide me and direct me. I just read in a book by J.C Ryle that if I struggle with doubts and fears about myself because of feebleness or weaknesses of sin, Ryle said expect little of myself but expect much from Christ, look to Jesus more and to myself less. And to look to Christ not only to comfort me in trials but also to help me in them. It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one struggling with these kinds of trials and you sharing how you are getting back on track is helpful to other Christians, thanks. Ruth(Ireland)

  8. Kelly, I’ve missed your writing so much! Glad you’re back! I always learn something from your writing and this post was no exception. Thanks for sharing and congrats on your new baby! 🙂

  9. Jenni Anderson

    Wow. God is so stinkin’ awesome. I just got finished with my homework from my ladies bible study (We’re doing “Breaking Free” from Beth Moore) & what was that homework section called? “The Obstacle of Pride”! I love God’s irony. 😉
    I had just been going through the section, thinking about how I honestly didn’t think I had an issue with pride. I am actually really down on myself more often than not – my appearance, my talents (singing and piano), my performance as a homemaker, wife & mother – just to name a few. I really didn’t think I’d find any “obstacles” that needed overcoming. Your blog post really helped open my eyes to the many ways that pride can “hide” in our lives and even deceive us into thinking there is nothing that needs dealt with. The Lord has proven time and again that He is the only stronghold in our lives and we aren’t even worthy enough to come to His throne with pride, blocking the way.
    Thank you so much for helping open my eyes to what could possibly be one of the strongest barriers in front of my walk to Christ.

    You are an amazing woman of God and an inspiration. You truly are a blessing. 🙂

  10. Anonymous

    THANKS SISTER, RIGHT ON TIME!!! GOD is ALWAYS amazing!!!

  11. I have this same struggle, although I’ve never acknowledged it as pride before…how did you break that barrier?? I’ve been through a crazy amount of stuff over the past couple of years – maybe God was trying to break my pride as I have been praying for Him to break OTHER people’s pride?! Thank you for sharing your struggle and heart!!!

  12. Ashley Bell

    Wow!! This is the first blog of yours I have read
    , and I am glad I did. I have been struggling the last few months myself. Not knowing why or what has gone wrong, I just try to be good!! That was until this last week when I fell into temptation. I was so upset with myself and I asked God to show me what is going on. Why can’t I be good enough to not do the things that tempt me?? So my husband found scripture, it was in Romans5:12-all of 6!! It really helped and I thank u for this blog as well.. U was right in the middle of prayer and u was getting nowhere with what I wanted to express so I get onFacebook and there is your blog!!! I feel so eased to have read it, knowing that there is someone else out there that feels exactly how u feel. I never knew how to express it or what it was but I believe God showed me this to finally see!!! Thank u do much, God bless you in your writing, and in your pregnancy!!!!! Yours in Christ- Ashley

  13. eva

    wow Kelly thank u so much for this blog! really spoke to me. btw, always appreciate your blogs, thanks for the continued motivation! God bless you massively!

    From an aussie fan 🙂

    eva xo

  14. Cierra Moore

    We over come by each others testimonies! You sharing this has encouraged me! Thank you! Be Encouraged and Congratulations on the baby!

  15. Kelly, I have only read two of your blog posts, and both times it has clearly been handed to me by God. Thank you so much for your honest and open heart – blessings to you and your growing family!

  16. Anonymous

    Thanks for being so open about your walk as a Christian, your words and thoughts are both challenging and encouraging. Also congrats on the pregnancy, thats wonderful news!

  17. I’m glad you’re back! 🙂 I’ve been learning lots too and I’m really looking forward to reading more from you. Congrats too on the new little one on the way.

  18. Kelly, there is no doubt that God is giving you more inspiration for writing as this blog so beautifully illustrates, and how blessed are young people to be able to read your meaningful words, just as they are blessed to hear Jimmy play and sing. You have moved ever closer to being a Proverbs 31 wife, and I’m sure Jimmy cherishes you for that. Thank you for your writings, they have blessed my ministry, and I thank God also for Jimmy who is my favorite contemorary Christian musician! Your brother in Christ, Ray

  19. Lindsi

    Thanks for the post. It reminds me of my pastors message last night; to examine your heart. Many people live by “I’m going to do what feels right in my heart” but if we look to Gods word we realize, thats the worst way to go – “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) Many times pride slips in our heart and we aren’t quick to catch it because we haven’t done an examination or said “God search my heart.” What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart (Matthew 15:18). This is why we have to do heart examinations. If our hearts arent right our mouths will also get us in trouble. Ill make sure to retread it to let it sink in even more! I need to do a pride self check. God bless :))

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