Let Me Fail

“If I can know You and behold You best in failure, then let me fail that I may see God.”

Irony of ironies, the above has been my prayer lately. My worst nightmare is becoming an avenue for intimacy with my Favorite Person. Being so driven by excellence blinded me to the subtle love of self growing in my heart. Excellence for God’s sake is a great thing of course. But my disdain for any subpar performance exposed that my desire to excel had little to do with God and much more to do with myself.

So in His unexpected mercy, God has often allowed and orchestrated failure in my life. What grief has followed those momens of sin exposure, of failing as a wife, as a friend, as a sister, as a mother. Being asked to do thing I knew I couldn’t do without a battle of pride in my heart drove me crazy. Even if no one else knew, I would know before the eyes of God that self-love was tainting my offering of service. Yet, it is His rich kindness to continue to place me in the path of eminent failure. He has been weaning me off of my love of self-accomplishment.

My self-love was like a film over the eyes of my heart. I could see God, but the glimpses of Him were somewhat cloudy. Failure is the solution disolving the residue of pride. With each removal of pride comes a crisper view of the glory of God. What delight blossoms in my heart when I behold Him who died with the weight of my failures on the cross! To see God is my greatest good. To perceive His character through His Word a treasure. To rejoice in His victories despite me a relief beyond measure. He has accomplished more good through my mistakes than I could ever accomplish through my “right actions” done in my own strength.

One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. (Psalm 27:4) And if this beholding comes through failing, let me fail. To see Him is the greater good.

3 Comments

  1. lizzieswondrouswanderings

    Reblogged this on Lizzie… just as I am..

  2. Pearl Allard

    Thank you, Kelly. Needed to hear that today. I’m so grateful our failures don’t exclude us from God’s love; they merely make his love that much more amazing.

  3. The Lord has been doing this exact thing in my life the last year or so!!! It’s been painful, but I am very grateful that the Lord has allowed me to fall, so that He could humble me and show me how very weak and sinful I really am, and that I might more deeply understand the wonder of His grace towards me. He is a gracious Father, who really does work all things together for our good. Thank you for sharing, Kelly; it’s wonderful to see how the Spirit is teaching the same things to two daughter’s of the King from completely different places, and I’m sure He’s working the same thing in many of our sisters as well! Longing for the day when we will all be together and see Him face to face and finally be like Him!

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